This past week has really
caused me to reflect on family…What is a family? The conventional answer is
mom, dad, and kids, right? Well, what about when your parents are dead or worse
yet, they’re alive, but simply don’t care about you? Or maybe your dad doesn’t
even know you exist and you’ve never even met him and don’t even know his
name. This is the case for a lot of kids here…and it’s tough. There are some
kids who are fortunate enough to still have a parent in their lives who truly
does care about them but for extenuating circumstances (often economic ones)
can’t take care of their kids. However, sadly, that’s the exception. Many many
of our kids have lost their parents. For some kids, it was a disease or
sickness that took their parents away and changed their lives forever. For
other kids, they’ve never known their parents…they were abandoned at a
hospital, their parents up and left and they were stuck with neighbors or taken
in by nuns. And yet for other kids, they have purposely separated themselves
from their family…they’ve ran away from home, they've done whatever it takes to
escape abusive situations. There are some really sad stories here and after
nearly 9 months, I’m really starting to hear them. Since I work in the sponsorship
department, it’s not uncommon that a kid comes in and asks for some pertinent
information about their past (we have little write-ups on each child)…What was
my mom’s name? How did she die? When’s my birthday? I wish I had the answers to
their questions…
Besides sponsorship, the
other half of my job is communications, which oftentimes means photos…taking
photos, organizing the photos we have, and more than anything, searching
previous photos to fulfill photo requests. Anyways, this past week, 40-some CDs
of photos from our early days (2005-2006) resurfaced with one of our older
girls: photos that we didn’t even know existed/had considered lost forever. So
we started spending a couple hours each day going through them on my computer.
Before we knew it, we’d be sitting in the park with a swarm of 20 kids all
watching and laughing as they saw themselves 6 and 7 years ago. We literally
went over thousands and thousands of photos. Out of all of them, the photos
that most struck me were the family photos. These were either photos of the
family at their previous residence before coming here (sometimes even including
a parent!) or photos taken at Visitor Days here. And we found some true
treasures! I found a photo of one of my oldest girls and her mom who has since
passed away…the only photo she has ever seen of them together. I found another
photo of one of my girls and her dad who has since disappeared from her life.
Can you imagine how much these 1 photos mean to these girls? I feel like we are
so used to photos being a part of our lives…our moms scrapbook, our phones have
cameras, etc. etc. For many of us, our entire lives from the moment we were
born in the hospital are documented with photos. That’s just not the case here.
Photos, esp. photos from when these kids were younger, are gold.
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| Cristela |
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| Ditania |
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| Erika C |
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| Erika D |
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| Josi |
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| Lucy |
On the flip side, as we’re
going over these photos, can you picture the other 15+ kids just hoping that a
photo of them with a parent or loved one would appear? For a lot of these kids,
they will never have a photo with their mom or dad. If they have any image at
all of their parents, it’s the one they carry with them in their head.
I say all this not to make
anyone feel sorry for the kids here. They are extremely EXTREMELY blessed. But
it’s the reality of life here and sometimes it’s easy to forget. Sometimes it’s easy to keep pushing
ahead, esp. as volunteers, without recognizing that this job/life here is
intense, it’s painful at times, it’s duro.
These kids have become my family now and to realize the heartache that some of
them face on a daily basis makes MY heart ache.
However, as I just
mentioned, WE are a family here. That was Padre Wasson’s philosophy when he
started NPH in Mexico back in 1954 and that continues to be the case to this
day. It’s not uncommon to hear a
kid here referring to one of their housemates as their brother or sister; some
of them have known and lived with each other since they were babies. Plus lots
of our kids have siblings here with them.
On that note, we have a
really special project that we do here as volunteers called Proyecto Familiar (I’ve mentioned this
before in other blogs). More or less, once a month, each volunteer is assigned
a family of siblings and together, we make supper. It’s simple, it’s fun, and
it’s about being together. Some siblings here are very close, but there are
others that you rarely see together and as you can imagine, when you live
within 4 walls with 250+ other people, there’s not often time to be alone as a
family and not surrounded by others.
This past Sunday, I did
two different Proyecto Familiares. First off, we had Franchesca (one of my
girls) and her younger twin sisters, Fernanda and Katery. I knew this one would
be a walk in the park, because these siblings are super close and Franchesca is
very responsible. Franchesca planned it all and we ended up making ensalada de coditos (pasta salad,
Dominican-style) in the way her mom taught her years ago. We had a great time!
My other Proyecto Familiar
took on a different form. Belkis, one of my girls, is from the nearby batey.
She and her brother, Fausto, came here to NPH back in 2005 after their mom
passed away, but they still have older siblings who live in the batey. So
Belkis wanted to go visit! Fausto, on the other hand, was a lot more hesitant.
At ages 13 and 15, Belkis and Fausto don’t exactly choose to spend time
together if given the option (to put it nicely). After a little bit of
procrastinating on Fausto's part, we all three were ready to go and off we went walking on the gravel
road. It wasn’t long before we arrived and ran into their older sister and
nephews; in no time at all, Belkis and Fausto were playing with their nephews as if they
were little kids themselves again. I had the opportunity to sit in the shade
under the cherry tree and chat with the older sister about life…from things
like the mom’s death and what it’s like to be a mother of three at age 24 to
things like the best type of hair extensions and jewelry. I was also in the
house where Belkis and Fausto were prior to coming to NPH, which was cool to
experience. Anyways, a couple hours later, it was time to start the walk back
although neither of them was ready to leave yet. On the way back, we chopped
down some sugar cane and then got soaking wet when the sky opened up and it
started pouring! The afternoon went better than I could ever have imagined!
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| Heading to the batey! |
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| Sugar cane hunting! |
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| Me and Belkis! |
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| We were soaking wet! |
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| Belkis and Fausto when they were little! |
Back on the "What It Means to Have a Family" note, another thing I’ve
noticed here is that the kids (esp. the older girls) love to cut out photos
from magazines and paste them in their notebooks or hang them up on the walls
in their bedrooms. Do you know what lots of the photos are (besides the Taylor
Lautner and Justin Bieber pics)? Families. Mom, dad, and kids. They are photos
of complete strangers, but it’s the concept that so many of the kids here, from
the youngest to the oldest, admire and aspire to achieve.
Overall, I feel like I’m
realizing that the definition of family is much bigger than what I once thought
it was. Throughout the first half of my time here, I’ve certainly grown a
greater appreciation for the family I have, both in Minnesota and here. But at
the same time, I realize that nothing can truly take the place of a mom and dad
in your life. A family, including relatives, is certainly not something to take
for granted despite the dysfunctional-ness we sometimes tend to focus on.
Well, I’m not exactly sure
how to end this post... there’s still so many thoughts floating through my
mind. I guess just imagine if you had lost your parents (either to death or
other causes) and you had ONE photo together…how much would that mean to you?
